👻🎈🤡🥧

[cained]

family don't end with blood —

CLUB FREE WILL MASTERPOST

— welcome to the losers club, asshole!

STARRING

SQUIRREL

MOOSE

FEATHERS

LUCIFER JR.

BABY

MARSH

TRASHMOUTH

SPAGHETTI

BIG BILL

MIKEY

HAYSTACK

STAN THE MAN

CODING BY TESSISAMESS

Comments

𝚁𝙸𝙲𝙷𝙸𝙴 𝚃𝙾𝚉𝙸𝙴𝚁

[groaners]

[cained]

care to explain yourself

( oh, he might sound calm at first, but he is livid on the other end of the line. dean's giving richie one chance to talk his way out of this before he goes fully off. )

[groaners]

okay listen
i know the glasses were kind of a douchey choice but are they really that bad??
i was trying something out

[ :) ]

[cained]

( wrong answer, tozier. )

do not test my patience
where the fuck did you get that shirt

[groaners]

ebay
you want one? 😉

[cained]

i'm going to get in my car
drive to LA
and rip that shirt off you
so i can set it on fire

( god, he'd almost forgotten those damn books existed. )

if i have to live through another resurgence of the supernatural book fans
let's just say i know where you live tozier

[groaners]

jesus christ
promise?

[ dean, you make it too easy... ]

before we get too deep into your violent fantasies
can we at least acknowledge your blame in this
if you had literally any kind of social media, this shit wouldn't be the first result when you google dean winchester

[cained]

why does it sound like you'd be into that

( wait )

do not answer that

( jesus take the wheel and lord have fucking mercy. on a good day he tolerates richie. right now he's strongly considering murder. )

richie
let me be perfectly fucking clear here
supernatural does not need a public endorsement by any celebrity
D-list or otherwise
i know you think this is funny
but that shit in those books is my life
and i don't need anymore creepy weirdos stalking me about it

( looking at you, becky. )

and unlike you i have a real job
i don't have time for twitstagram

[groaners]

i don't know, probably cause i would

[ don't answer that. please, he's immune. ]

what are you trying to say
that my d-list career's fans are all creepy weirdos??
i'm pretty sure you told me you don't get paid for your ""real job""

[ no offense taken. he's pretty sure there were creepy weirdos in the crowd for his first couple tours, to be fair. ]

but yeah, okay, i get it
i didn't read anything, if that helps
just dropped $50
so, fair warning i'm totally wearing this to bed now

[cained]

( things he never wanted to know about richie: that. excuse him while he throws up in his mouth a little.

but listen, buddy, everyone who's any kind of popular has creepy weirdos for fans. it's just a law of nature. )

just because i don't get paid don't mean it ain't important
it's keeping your ass alive so you're welcome

if i find out you're lying i will not hesitate to break your face

( he is Exhausted by this conversation already but he has to cover all his bases here. just to make sure old fans haven't come back to haunt them via richie. )

you didn't happen to buy it from someone named samlicker81 or beckywinchester176 did you

[groaners]

[ he asked!! there is no such thing as take-backs in these parts, dean. ]

the barista that puts extra espresso shots in my coffee keeps my ass alive, too
he gets paid

[ ... ]

thanks, though [ GENUINELY, text just... doesn't always read that way. ]

oh shit it was definitely samlicker81
you don't forget a visual like that

[cained]

( he doesn't do the job to hear thanks, but that doesn't mean it's not nice to hear it all the same. even coming from richie, which might be sarcastic. it soothes his mood by a fraction.

at least, until — for fuck's sake. becky. )

do me a favor and don't encourage her will you
i know that's a tall ask for you but
we have
history
i don't need her gettin wind of me or my brother again
sam more so than me

[groaners]

[ he'd take a fraction! but no such soothing shows through text. ]

i am a pretty encouraging guy [ sarcasm? unsure. ]

history like what
what kind
and don't blame me for asking
you made it look fucking ominous

[retraverse]

[ hello from new york, it's sunday morning and she's got a winchester crashing at her place — in her bed — which is kinda becoming a thing every couple of weeks. this is also probably not the first text she's sent richie about it. but the oh no he's hot of it all still blindsides her. ]

Richie he's making me breakfast
I can literally smell it
What the fuck

[groaners]

[ he never really knows when he'll get a winchester-related text, not with how much monster hunting apparently keeps you moving. (is he still skeptical of the whole thing? like a little. on a practical level, he believes there's a whole lot of shit out there, but he kind of likes being overly incredulous both for the state of his own sanity and the way it seems to drive dean bonkers.) that said, he likes the winchester-related texts, 'cause as much as he and eddie are watching these developments like overprotective hawks, they never fail to highlight the fact that bev is having a great time.

or having a breakdown, but the good kind. ]

i seem to remember he was one of those dudes with a weird obsession with bacon
are you gonna get breakfast in bed

[retraverse]

[ between the fact that bev met the winchesters when they were hunting down a shapeshifter and the cosmic evil shapeshifting murder clown up in derry, it's kinda hard not to believe... all of it. it's a lot to accept, sure, and more than half the stories she hears are too insane to be real. but so's, you know. an evil alien murder clown.

the distress over something as mundane as homecooked breakfast after mindblowing sex? a refreshing change of pace. ]

Don't make it sound dirty

[ no that's 100% on her ]

There's definitely bacon
I didn't even know I had bacon
Did he do groceries?? For me??????

[groaners]

[ he's just crossing his fingers and hoping that one evil alien murder clown was enough for the world. the other shapeshifters don't seem quite as fucking annoying, at least?

anyway. ]

yknow i was gonna go there
and then i thought don't do it rich, be cool, man
screw everybody that says i'm worse than you

[ like he's not happy about it. ]

well fuck, if he did, i think he just leveled up

[retraverse]

[ careful with those compliments, richie, she might swoon. she's already so fragile. ]

Can't, already screwing this guy 😏

[ who definitely thinks richie's worse than her......... ]

Did he level up or did I
Literally no one's ever made me breakfast in bed
What's the fucking protocol here

[groaners]

[ brace yourself, bev, 'cause he loves you a ridiculous amount. compliments can come from ANYWHERE! ]

you sure are 😎
i see no better time to get his opinion on threesomes

he leveled up
which means you better tell him soon that he needs my blessing before proposing
that's protocol, i just decided

[retraverse]

Wait what about my opinion
I don't get a say?

Rich oh my god
If I see a ring anywhere it'll be too fucking soon 💀
Protocol like
Do I go out there
Do I pretend to be asleep
Is that weird

[groaners]

hey now
yours is the say that matters
whether or not you wanna tell that opinion to ME instead of him is up to you, i guess

it's never too soon to lay down the law, bev
but no if he whips out a ring at this point, he's a fucking weirdo

protocol is just wait
you gotta stay in bed, that's the point
and i'm pretty sure the sleeping beauty route is totally valid

[retraverse]

Now I'm wondering if we need to lay down some best friend law here
Do we have boundaries, a working definition of TMI
How juicy is too juicy

Like for example

Okay I'll stay in bed
Do I stay naked too

[groaners]

do we have boundaries??? inquiring minds want to know
i say we full steam ahead it and discover our boundaries organically
like when we have a head-on collision with one

anyway
i guess it depends on if you want him to have to take something OFF again

[retraverse]

Hey look I was very single when we got the band back together
Boundaries were never a thing!! I'm trying to be considerate 😤
But also full steam ahead is like the Loser Motto so aye aye cap'n

[ jesus since when did she talk like richie. or dean. this is a lot. ]

Sweet of you to assume we're going in for round 2
Speaking from experience, Trashmouth?

[groaners]

that's really cute
but come on, i wanna be tmi-ed by beverly marsh

[ he knows and accepts he's embarrassing, it's fine. ]

i would never doubt you!!
and you, obviously, would never doubt me
yeah, i totally am
i don't know about you but i'm fucking resilient for a 40 y/o