cained | 👻🎈🤡🥧

( he doesn't do the job to hear thanks, but that doesn't mean it's not nice to hear it all the same. even coming from richie, which might be sarcastic. it soothes his mood by a fraction.

at least, until — for fuck's sake. becky. )

do me a favor and don't encourage her will you i know that's a tall ask for you but we have history i don't need her gettin wind of me or my brother again sam more so than me

[ he'd take a fraction! but no such soothing shows through text. ]

i am a pretty encouraging guy [ sarcasm? unsure. ]

history like what
what kind
and don't blame me for asking
you made it look fucking ominous

*annoying i fixed it for you

( okay. time for a deep, calming breath. )

i mean just speaking her name's practically a damn omen last we saw her she hijacked our week in vegas drugged sam with love potion and got hitched all so she could drag him to some shitty high school reunion and show him off but get this once the potion started wearing off and her supplier (a fucking crossroads demon) stopped putting out she straight up misery'd my brother knocked him out with the fucking waffle iron I GAVE THEM as a reluctant wedding gift turns out my instincts about that chick were always right oh and did i mention she writes weird porn about us? because she definitely writes weird porn about us

( don't ask him why or how he knows this. he's still trying to scrub that fact from his mind almost a decade later. )

i can be both, asshole

... there's a fuckton to unpack here
love potion
high school reunion
love potion DRUG DEALER
and a waffle iron
why is you buying a waffle iron the most confusing part

i mean
everybody's entitled to some weird porn in their lives
but even i can see the line there

is it at least well-written weird porn??

( don't question the waffle iron, richie. just accept it. )

wow hey i can be a supportive brother when i want to be thank fuck that marriage didn't last longer than a couple days my support for psycho fangirls only goes so far dude it's incestuous gay porn being well-written doesn't even factor into the fucking equation

for some reason waffle iron didn't strike me as your kind of supportive
unless you're using one to bash a werewolf over the head or whatever the fuck

don't have much support for psycho fanboys either apparently

alright jesus christ you got me there
don't hold it against me, i was innocently supporting a small creator

[ ""innocently"" ]

you know what bite me this wasn't a hunter wedding can't just show up with a grenade launcher for the happy couple psycho fans in general don't sit well with me "innocently" have you ever done anything innocently a day in your life

( he ain't buying it!! )

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