cained | 👻🎈🤡🥧

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long story but it's been a good night weird but good

[ it's a little late, even by their standards. but whatever bev was doing stops when she gets that photo because... that's — ]

Wait
Dean what am I looking at here
Is that your father?

( john's gone back to his own time by now, but there's still a lingering giddiness in dean's chest despite how bittersweet it all feels now. )

yeah babe that's really him man i wish you coulda been here to meet the old man

[ past tense. oh. god, she has so many questions. she knows john winchester was a complicated man, but there's never been any doubt from the stories that his family loved him. ]

I wish I could have met him too. I know how much he means to you
How
Are you okay?
What happened?

yeah i'm good bev i'm really good we uh found this wish granting pearl thing it brought dad back but it pulled him out of 2003 instead of, you know, out of the grave things started going real wonky with our timeline, like some serious butterfly effect shit so, you know, he had to go back but

( but not before family dinner, not before john telling them how much he loves them, a tearful goodbye. a real goodbye this time. hearing i'm so proud of you boys and actually believing it. (saying i love you back and not feeling like it might rip him apart. feeling almost ... at ease. at peace.) he wishes they could've had longer, but he's grateful he got the chance at all. still, all of that feels like too much to say, somehow. so, instead, he settles for: )

i gotta send you this video of sam you're gonna piss yourself laughing

( don't ask how this video still works now that the timeline has fixed itself. it's magic. )

That's incredible
I'm really happy for you, honey
I'm glad you guys got to have that

[ they've been together long enough for her not to even blink twice at the mention of a wish-granting pearl and time travel. hell, she's not even surprised the timeline got fucked by it because there's some truth to the movies after all. (they'll never know that the ripples caused her to forget them, too. for the night.) so she sees why it had to be undone but god, even with dean saying he's good, her heart aches for his family and their short-lived reunion. just because beverly had a nightmare of a father and she'd sooner face the clown again than see him back from the dead doesn't mean she can't understand the gravity of what's happened; likely the closure, too.

she wonders how mary is doing. sam. oh, speaking of sam — ]

Omg is it your parents telling embarrassing stories
Hold on I'm watching now

HAHAHAHAHA WHAT
THE HELL
When did this happen?? HOW
Oh my god the Steve Jobs turtleneck, the kale
Don't get me wrong I love a good kale caesar salad but this is next level shit

Edited 2020-07-31 05:15 (UTC)

yeah it was pretty fucking awesome i mean the last time we had a family dinner like that sam couldn't even talk hell he didn't even have teeth yet was still a little potato gremlin

( he's never gonna stop embarrassing sam, sorry not sorry bro. )

can you believe THAT'S what he would've turned into if dad hadn't gone back to 2003 😂 guess i never pulled his ass out of stanford so he actually went on to do all that lawyer shit and give fucking ted talks i'm never letting him live this down "god bless kale am i right" hilarious

Aw I bet he was a cute potato though
How did your dad take it? Just dropping into the future like that

[ he’s never gonna stop embarrassing sam but she never stops thinking how sweet it is when he goes all big brother on him, so she’s happy to hear it. ]

I guess that’s what happens when you stick around Cali
Kale is life
It’s so crazy to think how one thing can make such a difference
I mean all the time travel movies say so but still
What about you?

you know what i might have a baby pic somewhere hang on

( yep, here it comes: IMG_6543.JPG )

dad took it about as well as dad takes anything with a loaded shotgun ready to shoot but he got over that real fast once we sat him down and explained everything over a couple shots of whiskey

( so, you know, par for the course for a winchester reunion. )

you mean what was i like in this bizarro sam jobs universe? still hunting but uh basically the poster boy for america's most wanted shoulda seen my wanted poster $100 grand like a real fucking outlaw not gonna lie it was kind of awesome

Those cheeks 😍
He might be cuter than you were

[ yeah she's seen those pics too. lil heartbreaker. ]

God I've known you guys for way too long when none of this really surprises me
So basically we were all dropped in another universe for a couple of hours and didn't even know it?
Jesus
No offense babe but I'm glad my guy isn't public enemy number one
Especially since you're worth way more than $100 grand in my book

were??? cmon sam's puppy dog eyes ain't got nothin on my adorable mug

( 😘 )

not exactly more of a time paradox or something the way sam explained it time was course correcting itself if dad hadn't gone back you'd be talking to public enemy number one

( it hasn't occurred to him that she wouldn't have remembered who he is, either. wishful thinking. power of love. whatever you wanna call it. maybe he just doesn't want to think about a timeline where he's not her guy. )

way more than $100 grand huh how much more we talking

That's only because your adorable mug's got freckles
Like attracts like

[ they're both equally adorable in the summer sun, thanks. ]

Well hey, the only timeline that matters is this one, right
Where you're my number one guy, how about that
Which makes you pretty priceless 😘

[ yeah yeah she knows it's sappy, she's allowed after a couple years!! ]

oh i see it's all about the freckles huh

( he's never really ... felt strongly one way or the other about his; mostly he's just felt embarrassed about them, but he has to admit they do make quite the pair under the rays of kansas' summer sun. )

makes me feel like we're in one of those old tv ads there are some things money can't buy for everything else there's mastercard

( shut up, dean. he's only turning it into a joke because, well, sometimes he still doesn't know how to ... not deflect when things get a little too sappy. )

You're damn right
I know you kiss the ones on my shoulders when you think I'm asleep
You're not that sneaky

[ it's her favourite thing... ]

It's true though!!
That picture you sent of your family sure fits that priceless tag
Don't you think?

[ she's not that sneaky either. ]

who said i was trying to be sneaky you know me, a true lover of the arts just appreciating what's in front of me

( sure, he's being a little sarcastic about the arts, but the sentiment still stands: bev is a work of art and he'd be a damn fool not to appreciate her whenever he can. )

yeah you're right it is pretty damn priceless ain't it you wouldn't think family dinner like that would be a once in a lifetime thing but i guess that just goes to show how fucked up our lives have been wouldn't trade it though

( i gotta be honest — i don't know who that dean winchester is. and i'm good with who i am. i'm good with who you are. 'cause our lives — they're ours. and maybe i'm just too damn old to want to change that. )

You're such a romantic

[ once upon a time, she wouldn't know what to do with a compliment like that. brush it off, maybe, or think she was being teased. but that's not how dean is with her. playful, but always sincere. ]

No, of course not
You could've wished for anything in the world and got the one thing everyone else takes for granted
Despite how fucked up everything else has been
I think that says a lot about you. What's most important to you

[ it says something wonderful and a little bittersweet. another reason to love him. ]

guilty as charged your honor

( always has been, really, he just hasn't had much chance to be a romantic until bev came into his life. and for so much of his life before, romance was never an option, incompatible with hunting and who he thought he was supposed to be. casual hookups were always easier, no strings attached, no room for expectations or disappointment; one night and then adios. he'd have been fine to keep it that way until death finally decided to stick, but then bev called him from that hospital in derry and it's like something in the universe shifted. aligned into place. slowly convinced him he's allowed to love, to be in love — and it doesn't have to cost him everything.

you could've wished for anything in the world.

he winces, the squeezing his eyes shut against the pounding in his skull, like his temples might burst open if he loses focus for too long.

how can he tell her there's an archangel dickbag locked in the fucking trunk of his mind, screaming inside his head every hour of every day? that his initial wish wasn't dad or family dinner, that he would have used it to get rid of michael if he'd had a choice, if the pearl hadn't reached inside his heart and pulled out the one thing he needed. how can he tell her michael is the reason he was missing for three weeks, that some angelic douche was riding around in his skin committing atrocities for his fucking monster army? he can't. that's a can of worms that needs to stay closed.

it takes him longer to respond, distracted by the throbbing behind his eyes. he pinches the bridge of his nose. )

don't give me too much credit woulda wished for a private zepp concert in their prime with john bonham on drums if the pearl hadn't known my "heart's true desire"

[ it's a matter of the pot calling the kettle black, isn't it? just because beverly's had a shitty track record with romance all her life doesn't mean she's never wanted it or that she can't recognise it, give and receive in kind. the lack, and the manipulation of it, means she's still blown away by the sincerity of what she and dean share now — often when she least expects it. mundane gestures or simple phrases she never thought could mean so much until she felt the affection carrying them. there's no getting used to it. why would she ever want to? to love and be loved, to trust it, to trust themselves to do it: they both fought for this and goddamn, they've earned it.

especially with the hard stuff. the biggest monster fight of bev's life ended a couple years ago, her occasional tangle with the supernatural with the boys notwithstanding. but she knows they're always up against something and she knows dean doesn't tell her everything — often because there's no time to, or there's too much to get into, or it's too difficult and it's too soon, or he just wants to protect her. (she's pushed back against all of this, but she understands.)

she knows by now something happened in the past few weeks. he'd been radio silent for longer than usual and the intermittent messages from sam and mary were vague. "on a hunt with bobby off the grid. he says hi." mmm, she smells bullshit but she won't press it yet. all she knows is that whatever it was, it likely wasn't good. so yeah, she's gonna say she's glad he got this family dinner. because — ]

As cool as it would've been to hear "Rock and Roll" blow the roof off the bunker
If that's how the pearl worked then you must have really needed that family dinner
I'm just sorry it couldn't last longer

[ family to her was never about blood. doesn't mean she can't feel for what the winchesters had and lost. ]

You wanna tell me more about it? I'm all ears

( half a day with john is never going to feel like enough now that it's over, not after everything they've been through — especially how they lost him, how it fucking tore dean apart, sent him spiraling deeper into self-hatred, nearly courting death on more then a few occasions — but dean would be a fool not to appreciate the time they were given. does it seem fair they didn't get longer? hell yeah. but that's just par for the course, ain't it? nothing's ever fair when you're a winchester; winchesters don't just get what they want and get to keep it. bev is the one miraculous, beautiful, completely unexpected exception in his godforsaken life and he's still not sure how he got so fucking lucky (still wonders every now and then when that luck is going to run out). )

you know, the look on mom's face when she saw him... that's the worst part me and sam, we've lived without dad for so long now we had our chance to mourn not saying we did it well but mom? she never knew a life without him until she died hell, even after dad died, they were up in heaven together then amara brings her back and suddenly she's living in a world she doesn't understand and doesn't even have dad to come home to and dad, who had to live so long without her, gets a chance to see her again but it can't last, he's gotta go back it breaks my fucking heart

( but, really, that's all just a tangent to his real point: )

i thought i'd have so much more to say to him but just having him there, seeing the men we've become hearing how proud he is of everything we've done feels like there's this weight that's lifted never thought i'd see the day when i didn't feel like i'd let john winchester down

[ she's familiar with the stories, of course. can't not be, after knowing each other for as long as they have. they've both traded their fair share of growing up without a mother and an often unforgiving father; john and alvin aren't alike, but the impossible weight of expectation was similar. both men acted out of love, one more twisted than the other. it wasn't the same, but the experienced rhymed enough that beverly understands the history is complicated, unresolved. tragic.

getting to know mary has been equal parts wonderful and difficult for her. what would it have been like if elfrida marsh hadn't died? would her father have been different? would she? hard to tell. but mary winchester's the only mother she's known and her heart goes out to her, reading through each message dean sends. the love he has for his mother is so clear and she thinks back to just a few messages ago — you're such a romantic.

yeah. he really is. ]

Yeah. God, same. It's so unfair. Give her a hug from me okay?
It's incredible she got that time with him but still...
Something that good shouldn't have to come with a price

[ we didn't. it catches her by surprise sometimes, too. less so these days. maybe losers' luck cancels out winchester luck. ]

You couldn't ever let him down, honey
I know I haven't known you the whole time you've been hunting
But since we met I've always seen you do your damn best
To help people, honor your dad's memory
You didn't have to say much to him with all of that behind you. That says plenty
I'm glad he was listening
And I'm glad he said what you've been waiting to hear
You fucking deserve it. Both of you

The rest of us can tell you the same every day but I know it means something different coming from your dad
I'm happy you finally got that, Dean. Really

Edited 2020-08-09 13:15 (UTC)

( dean doesn't cry often. usually, he only lets himself when he's bottled everything up so much it finally spills over and he just ... can't help it anymore (it's tears, or it's furious rage, and more often than not it's the latter). sometimes, in moments of great tragedy, his emotions get the better of him, too, but he's gotten so good at keeping them in check, because that's how dad always taught him. (he wasn't allowed to cry in front of sammy, how could he and have sam think he wasn't strong enough? that he had any weaknesses?) but with all things related to his family (the things that could have been, the things that never were, the people thy are now), dean finds those walls that normally barricade his most vulnerable emotions away have caved in and —

well, no one has to fucking know. not that he hasn't cried in front of bev before; of course he has. she's seen him in every possible state, at his best and at his absolute fucking worst and she's stuck with him this long (jesus, have they really been together two years already?) — still, he's grateful this is text and not a call, or his voice would sound choked, betraying the state he's in. he drags a hand over his face, wiping away stray tears before they leave streaks on his cheeks.

you couldn't ever let him down. he wants to laugh, but it comes out as more of a sob. how easy it would be to disprove that, to list every stupid thing he's ever done to let john down, but he's old enough now to know that isn't healthy. has enough clarity now to realize she's right. he does deserve it. sam deserves it. so all he can really say is: )

yeah yeah me too

( and then without any nudging: IMG_4356.JPG )

god just look at them i think i get what mom sees now when she looks at us

[ she'd be more surprised if he wasn't emotional about this at all. but she does know better, knows that family means everything to him, that he would go above and beyond for them without a second thought (and has, more than once). it's a lot to process, a lot to have dropped in your lap and taken away in one night, and given everything that the boys have gone through, it fucking sucks that they couldn't have this one thing. (his heart's true desire. not ridding the world of monsters once and for all but the winchesters together just for once. god, if that doesn't say it all.)

beverly gets it. there's nothing she wouldn't do for the losers, nothing she wouldn't give for them. they all walked into derry knowing it would cost them their lives. and they were willing to do that based on a hazy, 27 year old promise. now that they've had each other back for years? now that she's had dean, his brother, their friends? it should scare her, the lengths she would go for the people she holds close to her heart. but it doesn't. it just makes it beat harder, stronger.

makes it ache, too. the short messages pop up on her screen and she knows what she's said hit home, and she knows it might have been a tipping point when the night is already so fragile. but she's never held back with how she feels, not since derry. not since the losers. not since dean. not since she had people who would take her for how she was, good or bad, and she's always done the same for them. god, she wishes she was with him, not to say more but just to hold him close.

she's about to type a joke (sorry i got a little hallmark on you) when the picture comes through and she smiles. smiles wider, softer, when his other messages follow and her chest does that funny twist often reserved for his unexpected i love you's. oh.

(now who's blinking back tears?)

oh. ]

You really are a romantic
That's the sweetest thing I've seen
You think we've got it that bad?

[ uh, yeah. ]

Edited 2020-08-10 12:39 (UTC)

( god, they've got it so bad. dean doesn't always let himself notice, or fully realize it, but right now he's acutely aware of it, the way it seeps into his very being every time he talks to her, every time he even thinks about her. seeing his parents together like that, the warmth of their love — well, he knows where he gets it. he's always been his father's son (all the good and bad wrapped up in one complicated package), but he's just as much his mother's son. the love that made him didn't just bring him into existence, it made him who he is. mary always wanted a home, a family, and dean always has, too; now, for the first time in his life, he knows he finally has one.

i have a family.

and bev is just as much a part of that family as sam or cas or jack. it doesn't matter how unconventional it is — it's his and he wouldn't trade it for the damn world (but he would trade the whole fucking world to keep that family together). )

oh yeah bet if you'd been here we'd've out-romanced them by a mile

( ... )

which reminds me i know it's early but here's to us for making it two whole years who'da thought right

( which is about as close as he'll ever get to saying happy anniversary. but he will drink to it. )

[ family was never about blood. there's no love lost between beverly and her late father (the mother she barely knew but looked exactly like); she had the losers, her best friends and brothers, and they were the ones who taught her about love and loyalty and sacrifice. having them wiped from her memories for decades, getting them back in the same breath as reconnecting with dean and his brother — it was almost overwhelming, to have gone from famine to feast when it came to having people who knew you, cared about you.

even with the long stretch of miserable, lonely years she'd never trade any of it for the world, either. not with this waiting for her at the end of the tunnel. the losers, the winchesters and their friends, the homes she's made in different pockets of the country. as a girl, she never dreamed of having a life as full as the one she leads now. it's different, sure; but in a hundred ways, that's what makes it special too.

she thinks it every time: we deserve this. ]

Who'da thought

[ not her. not him. not because neither of them believed in what they had but because even at the best of times, it wasn't always easy. they both know that. ]

We've come a long way
I think we earned the right to out-romance most people, after everything
I'm really proud of us, you know?
And proud of you

[ she lets that hang, lets the sincerity sink in for a beat before softening it with a gentle tease: ]

For remembering
You're such a sap, babe

[ counting the day they met as their anniversary, rather than the night they made things official months later. ]

👻🎈🤡🥧

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gently retcons myself re: michael 😇

👀

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